Long Forgotten Places

Many of us (most of us, really) have a yearning for attention that we didn't get from our parents, whether it be because the parent was absent for whatever reason, or because we misinterpreted their intentions through our childish, undeveloped understanding of their actions toward us--or maybe they were legitimately selfish or negligent, even though they were around. Whatever the reason, we adopt so many ways of coping with our lack that make war with our ability to receive and give love from others, most especially from the Father.

I know that as my weight is peeling away, I am beginning to feel things that I wouldn't allow to penetrate before. The relief of so many long-standing burdens is thawing me out--newfound vulnerability is coming forth out of the neglected, packed-away recesses of my soul. Long forgotten places of discovery that were covered by the effort and focus required to just make it through a day and finish the most basic of responsibilities. I feel like Peter when Jesus filled his nets--I'm not worthy to tie his sandals. Often now, I find myself weeping in an overwhelmed state when I begin to think about his favor and how he is blessing me, because I'm aware of my blemishes, my laziness, and my self-absorption--my sin.

Lord, that you would gently and lovingly unthaw us all, that we might taste of you and see how very good you are. Lord, break me wide open, that I might receive your love and compassion and your provision for my wholeness.