Death

Missing in action. Today I am blunted, unable to sense the Lord's presense. Where is my heart? Sometimes the Lord is silent, or something in our heart blocks our ability to experience him. Everyday can't be euphoric in him, can it? I am not unhappy, and the day is good...but I do miss hearing from him. I sense that the flatness I'm feeling is an opportunity to die to something that I need to surrender? I am chewing on something...that needs to go...that I'm sad to see die. But I know it needs to go. So...here I am, allowing God to do his perfect work, surrendering to death once again. I am even in agreement with this death that needs to happen, but not there yet. I'm still hoping he'll ressurect what I'm giving up into something more holy that will be edifying. Dying to self doesn't truly happen until we give up on every agenda around a particular circumstance--even the agendas that sound like they would be healthy outcomes. Lord, give me grace and mercy to drop my agendas. You are good.