New Dynamics--Balloons in the Sky
Today is a day of traveling and I am off work for the holiday. My plan was to sleep late, but Lord, you must have other things in mind because here I am, up during the very early hours of the morning, blogging to you. More often than not, I just want to get on here and praise you and thank you. For healing me, for loving me, for teaching me. The list goes on, but those are the big ones. I'm hope you never tire of being worshipped because sometimes that's all I can think about when I'm on here.
I am just beginning to learn what most women already understand: how to recognize men's intentions. I've had SO much attention lately from so many different places, that it's been overwhelming and a bit of a puzzlement at times, to know what to do with it. But, you are faithful to show me, Lord. I am watching these men and the ways in which they respond--it's bit startling. Of course too, there's sometimes the thought in my head that says, "Hello, it's still me! Remember me? I'm still in here!" But mostly, I'm just enjoying it, and not being jaded. I'm more thrilled with what I see happening to myself than anyone external, and I think I experience a lot of the same feelings that onlookers do when I look in the mirror. Shock, amazement, and delight. Over the past few months I've had attention that has been everything from charming to scary to ridiculous. Lots of comedy. I've seen guys run into things when they get a good look and realize it's me, simply because they are first shocked, and then attracted--and definitely not watching where they're going! LOL I've seen every kind of man on my viewscreen lately: the gentleman, the wriggly puppy, the lion-hearted, the desperate, the "elderly but not dead yet" and most recently, the barracuda. There's one man at my job who has the rep for being a philanderer, and he has me in his sights right now. He can be so aggressive and sexually inappropriate that he's had complaints filed against him by other women at work. He's taking every opportunity to insert himself into my field of vision. Lord, I need wisdom about how to keep this man at arm's length without it becoming a nasty scene. I'd like to keep it light, if it's okay with you. It's a new day in every respect, this weight loss thing. I mean, since I've spent most of my life being overweight, I have much catching up to do in a short amount of time.
Lord, I need your protection. Please allow me to continue to be outgoing and gregarious. However, I also ask that you would continue to refine my ability to convey good boundaries. I'm not used to being a beautiful woman in the workforce. Or the church (that alone is very intimidating--you know how your people can be). Give me empowering to be gracious and kind as men make attempts to get my attention, but at the same time, strengthen my recognition of the demons that would attempt to destroy your good work in me--and them. Increase my discernment in this area. I believe that you are already doing that Lord, so I guess what I'm really saying is, don't allow me to get side-swiped by the enemy. Please don't let me assume that something is innocent, when it's really dangerous. Lord, teach me how to interact with women. I can sometimes see intimidation in their eyes. Help me to be a light and a well-spring of your spirit that attracts people to you rather than distracting them with me. Lord, keep me quickened to the truth in all situations. Please keep me alert to not only the obvious, but the subtle threats. In your name I pray, Amen.
Oh, and by the way, words are not enough to express my gratitude that you answer my prayers. You know, prayer is a funny thing. I pray these lofty things knowing that they are only going to happen if you decide it's beneficial. The things I pray have nothing to do with how holy or pious I am. I just keep asking for the moon, and often the impossible, and somehow in your great power and wisdom, you keep giving it to me in wonderful packages with beautiful wrapping. It's kind of like releasing helium balloons into the sky. You don't know where they will land or how it will turn out but you do it anyway, just to see what happens. Seeing you answer prayer Lord, is like stumbling upon those same balloons later when I least expect it, and being shocked that they actually made it through the atmosphere intact, but also seeing that they've become something more beautiful than what I released--that they've morphed into something much more--changed and become more than I'd ever hoped they could be. New colors, new shapes, and healthier than they were when I released them. Shocking and impossible, but yet there they are...on display for me to pick up and enjoy all over again with new pleasures in store. I want you to know that it hasn't gone without my noticing, how faithful you've been to answer each and every one of my requests in the way that you see fit to answer. And I can't thank you enough for allowing me to experience your favor, Lord.
I am just beginning to learn what most women already understand: how to recognize men's intentions. I've had SO much attention lately from so many different places, that it's been overwhelming and a bit of a puzzlement at times, to know what to do with it. But, you are faithful to show me, Lord. I am watching these men and the ways in which they respond--it's bit startling. Of course too, there's sometimes the thought in my head that says, "Hello, it's still me! Remember me? I'm still in here!" But mostly, I'm just enjoying it, and not being jaded. I'm more thrilled with what I see happening to myself than anyone external, and I think I experience a lot of the same feelings that onlookers do when I look in the mirror. Shock, amazement, and delight. Over the past few months I've had attention that has been everything from charming to scary to ridiculous. Lots of comedy. I've seen guys run into things when they get a good look and realize it's me, simply because they are first shocked, and then attracted--and definitely not watching where they're going! LOL I've seen every kind of man on my viewscreen lately: the gentleman, the wriggly puppy, the lion-hearted, the desperate, the "elderly but not dead yet" and most recently, the barracuda. There's one man at my job who has the rep for being a philanderer, and he has me in his sights right now. He can be so aggressive and sexually inappropriate that he's had complaints filed against him by other women at work. He's taking every opportunity to insert himself into my field of vision. Lord, I need wisdom about how to keep this man at arm's length without it becoming a nasty scene. I'd like to keep it light, if it's okay with you. It's a new day in every respect, this weight loss thing. I mean, since I've spent most of my life being overweight, I have much catching up to do in a short amount of time.
Lord, I need your protection. Please allow me to continue to be outgoing and gregarious. However, I also ask that you would continue to refine my ability to convey good boundaries. I'm not used to being a beautiful woman in the workforce. Or the church (that alone is very intimidating--you know how your people can be). Give me empowering to be gracious and kind as men make attempts to get my attention, but at the same time, strengthen my recognition of the demons that would attempt to destroy your good work in me--and them. Increase my discernment in this area. I believe that you are already doing that Lord, so I guess what I'm really saying is, don't allow me to get side-swiped by the enemy. Please don't let me assume that something is innocent, when it's really dangerous. Lord, teach me how to interact with women. I can sometimes see intimidation in their eyes. Help me to be a light and a well-spring of your spirit that attracts people to you rather than distracting them with me. Lord, keep me quickened to the truth in all situations. Please keep me alert to not only the obvious, but the subtle threats. In your name I pray, Amen.
Oh, and by the way, words are not enough to express my gratitude that you answer my prayers. You know, prayer is a funny thing. I pray these lofty things knowing that they are only going to happen if you decide it's beneficial. The things I pray have nothing to do with how holy or pious I am. I just keep asking for the moon, and often the impossible, and somehow in your great power and wisdom, you keep giving it to me in wonderful packages with beautiful wrapping. It's kind of like releasing helium balloons into the sky. You don't know where they will land or how it will turn out but you do it anyway, just to see what happens. Seeing you answer prayer Lord, is like stumbling upon those same balloons later when I least expect it, and being shocked that they actually made it through the atmosphere intact, but also seeing that they've become something more beautiful than what I released--that they've morphed into something much more--changed and become more than I'd ever hoped they could be. New colors, new shapes, and healthier than they were when I released them. Shocking and impossible, but yet there they are...on display for me to pick up and enjoy all over again with new pleasures in store. I want you to know that it hasn't gone without my noticing, how faithful you've been to answer each and every one of my requests in the way that you see fit to answer. And I can't thank you enough for allowing me to experience your favor, Lord.
posted by butterflyisfree at 6:41 AM
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