Stifled Creativity

One thing that came up last night as I was apologizing for my meanness, was an awareness of something critical that has been sacrificed on the alter of "lack". Being super-morbidly obese is a type of insulation: from lack. Protection from feeling the deficits in my life. So many deficits. Such a vicious cycle, obesity and a demanding task-master at that. While obesity is insulation, it also perpetuates the very pain we avoid. I mean, I look back over the enemy's assignment for my life and can see early on how being afraid to trust due to lack in my life was always part of the plan to get me to sabotage myself. I find it ironic, for example, that a good deal of lack in my life evolved out of my hefty financial investment in major corporations like McDonalds and the like. Depleting money and health... Anyway, the Lord showed me that a lot of my anger comes from feeling robbed of the opportunity to be creative. I experience my surroundings (and now my body) as a canvas for creative expression. Creative expression costs money. I am so tired of always worrying about money. I just want to be free. Lord, I want my home, my appearance, and my productivity to be pleasing and welcoming to all whom I encounter. My home, a soothing, supernatural refuge for the soul and spirit in this dark world. My appearance a display of your beauty, creativity, and power. My hospitality a delight and pleasure to those who partake, even spoiling my guests. Lord, I ask that you would pour out your prosperity on this body and this household, that they both will be a reflection of your creative abilities. Please give me opportunities and finances to fully express who you've made me to be.