Pressure

I am burdened this morning for my child and myself. She is so like I have been and still can be: strong-willed and defiant. She wears her feelings on her face and it's like looking in a mirror that reflects all the things I struggle with in my flesh. Some of the expressions I see there are common to most people, others uniquely my own shortcomings, and still others traits of her father. What I don't see very much of at all right now, is much evidence of her Father in heaven, most of the time. I'll have to give her this: she is not a performer, which can be of immeasurable value when she is older, but right now it drives me crazy. How do you teach a child to trust when performance-based acceptance wars against trust? It is so difficult to know what balance looks like in this area for myself, let alone my child. Paul says the law is a tutor. I believe this means that it prepares us to receive grace. I find myself returning again and again to this thought for my daughter: "Obey me first, then I'll think about it." How can you ever understand or appreciate God's grace without having first exhausted yourself trying to "be" righteous? Right now, I'd be glad if my daughter would just try to obey, even if it did wear her out! LOL If her heart were in the right place, even if she failed in obedience, I'd rush in and bless her again and again. But I can't reward her defiance because it would reinforce her polluted motives. So we are at an impasse.

Lord, you judge the heart. The motive. Please give me wisdom for my child. Teach me how to reach her motive. Lord, by definition "impasse" is a derivative of "impossible". As usual, I'm bringing you a situation that seems impossible to me. But nothing is too difficult for you, oh Lord. I ask that you would give me the tools to penetrate her understanding, but more than that Lord, I ask that You would penetrate her heart, changing her from the inside out. Give me grace to know when to speak and when to be silent with her. Teach me how to reinforce your principles with her, Lord. Give me grace not to be provoked by her, allowing her to experience the consequences of her choices. I call for angels to watch over her at all times, giving her wisdom about the influences she has all around her. Show her the truth, oh Lord, and teach her to embrace it. Also Lord, teach me to properly address those in my life who would have myself and my child conform to their legalistic ideals so they would feel more emotionally comfortable. Lord, give me grace to be who I am in the midst of folks who would have me and my child be something we're not destined to be in You.