Tossed and Blown

Tonight, the 3 key pastors at our church resigned. I am heartbroken. For many years before the senior pastor came to my church, I prayed for someone like him to be in that role. I sat through years of polluted teaching, waiting for you Lord, praying for you to fix it. When this man came to our church, I was astounded and grateful, because he teaches grace and we are so needy for your grace, Lord, instead of legalism. Tonight I went up to him after church and wept bitterly in his arms, because I am devastated. He looked at me and said, "Oh (my name). I saw your face when I was making my announcement and thought, she's going to take this hard. I am so very sorry." I told him I was heartbroken and disappointed, but not disappointed with him. Lord, I knew before I got there tonight that he was leaving, and in my spirit I knew why. I knew that it had to do with not being respected enough to be allowed to lead. Lord, I am so angry with the elders right now, that they would sabotage this situation...and yet, I know by the things our pastors said that you've revealed to them all individually, that you are in this shift. Lord, it is so apparent to me once again, that when you change something, a good deal of the time it isn't pretty. We would like to think that when you're in it God, that it comes together nicely and without difficulty, but often that is not the case. You are not afraid to let us suffer in order to accomplish your purposes. But Lord, these three men of such high integrity...I can't believe our church blew it and lost them. On the other hand, I also know that all of them are destined for more greatness in you than this church. I will look for them on the horizon, and expect you to do things through them on a more global scale, for the things that they represent in you are not reserved just for our small segment of the body. So, I know you will show off, as you always do. I just wonder if our body will be raked over the coals in order to show our eldership that they need to bend a bit more than they are willing to do at this time. The fact that they allowed these men to stand before us and admit that they couldn't get into agreement with the governmental system of our church...that they were weary and beaten up...that they were all three disappointed and this is not how they would've had things play out...what guts! Our eldership knew they would say these things and yet they allowed it. That says a lot about the elders' integrity.

Lord, please carry our church through. To lose three senior pastors in a 10-year period almost seems more than we can bear. And now we've also lost our associate pastor, our executive pastor, and at least one elder that I know of so far has resigned. The people of this church are weary, Lord. We've been buffeted around by what seems to be a huge storm for so long, and I don't know how well we'll weather this latest development. Lord, help me to not remain bitter at the loss of this fine teacher. I was so fed by you through him, and I do love his heart and the way he interprets the word, Lord. Help me to find my place in the body. I don't know if I want to be at this church any more. But if it's your will, I will stay. In Jesus' name, amen.