Two Very Different Subjects on the Subject of Balance
It's been awhile since I've been here, and while it makes me a little nervous that I'm not having one profound epiphany after another right now, on the other hand, it's good to be in a little more even place. One can only take so much mind-boggling recognition without short-circuiting. God you are gracious to give me a reprieve, even though it's been such good stuff. I've started another semester of school, and I'm busy, busy, trying to make good grades in my class I'm taking. But anyway, some testimony...one thing that has come full circle in my life is my period. For the past 10 years my periods have been unpredictable and very high maintenance. After I got married I went on the pill and it didn't agree with me, so after a year or so I stopped it. Since that time, my periods have been off cycle, but my gyno said for a long time now that my obesity was the issue. I mean, anything would throw off my cycle. If I took any kind of medication, be it over the counter, whatever--delay in cycle. And I would go for 2-3 months before I'd have a period again. Then I'd bleed like someone had gutted me--unless I used a tampon, and then it would dry up and come back in a couple days, bleeding like a miscarriage. Horrid stuff. One of my prayers has been that my periods would regulate back to the way they were when I was young. It's happening. I'm back to a regular, predicatable cycle that lasts 4-5 days tops and I only have one heavy day. That's how it was when I was 20. Praise God! Much easier to deal with. Now, I'll be curious to see if the cramps minimize to nothing over time, b/c when I was young I didn't cramp at all. Thank you Lord, for this most welcome milestone.
Tonight I was talking to my girlfriend from back home who's had weight loss surgery. She has a man interested in her who has just had lapband surgery. He's a very eligible guy who has a great outlook and is making the most of his surgery so far. But he's still got 100+ pounds to lose. She isn't attracted to him because of his obesity, and she feels so guilty. I understand her reluctance perfectly. Obese women are rarely drawn to obese men. Why? Because we can't stand the trait in ourselves, much less our mate. I'm not sure many morbidly obese people would ever be drawn to obese partners if it was a conscious decision. We go through living hell. Why would we want to make a go with someone just like us: the "DTDE" crowd. "Destined to Die Early." Looking at someone supermorbidly obese like we are/were as a potential mate is like looking in a horrifying mirror. We know what it's like. We know the pain, the esteem issues, the constant rejection, the false bravado, the lack of mobility, the denial, the missed promotions, the lack of respect, the deaf ears, the emotional poverty, the co-morbidities, the limitations...the regrets...the lost life. It's too painful to consider. And yet, in our conversation we talked about what this man may become? There's also reluctance on her end because she knows what she went through as a result of all the newfound attention...and she knows what I've been through as a result of all the attention (you get downright bi-jiggety)--and she's reluctant to date him, even though right now he doesn't do it for her. After he starts to get cute again, would she actually turn his crank? I laughed tonight because I knew exactly what she meant. Only after I said, "So what are you sayin'? That I went off the deep end? ? ?" Then we both just laughed again. There is an element of that for awhile. It's all so...overwhelmingly, wonderfully...intoxicating. For awhile anyway, until the pendulum begins to swing back toward the middle. From one extreme to the other and then back again to a more balanced place. It's like, you go through a stage where you are redifining who you are and incorporating who you were before things got so blasted out of control--back when you still felt some confidence...and it is difficult in the beginning to not be overwhelmed and baffled by it all. Anyway, so an interesting dynamic my friend finds herself in. Does she go ahead and "catch" this good man, before he gets so cute that he might not think she's "all that?" Or does she leave it alone and see where the chips fall? Well, my wise friend is choosing to leave it alone. She's very street smart. LOL I have to admire her wisdom. Tonight she said, "You know how it is! It goes to your head...and everything else!!" I busted out laughing. She's SO funny--and so right! After having just jumped off that rollercoaster ride (for now at least), I can't blame her for not wanting to stick her neck out on that track and wait to get run over! Good girl!
Lord, thank you for balance. Please continue to balance my life and the life of my friend...and the life of her new friend. Thank you for humor, and the voice of reason.
Tonight I was talking to my girlfriend from back home who's had weight loss surgery. She has a man interested in her who has just had lapband surgery. He's a very eligible guy who has a great outlook and is making the most of his surgery so far. But he's still got 100+ pounds to lose. She isn't attracted to him because of his obesity, and she feels so guilty. I understand her reluctance perfectly. Obese women are rarely drawn to obese men. Why? Because we can't stand the trait in ourselves, much less our mate. I'm not sure many morbidly obese people would ever be drawn to obese partners if it was a conscious decision. We go through living hell. Why would we want to make a go with someone just like us: the "DTDE" crowd. "Destined to Die Early." Looking at someone supermorbidly obese like we are/were as a potential mate is like looking in a horrifying mirror. We know what it's like. We know the pain, the esteem issues, the constant rejection, the false bravado, the lack of mobility, the denial, the missed promotions, the lack of respect, the deaf ears, the emotional poverty, the co-morbidities, the limitations...the regrets...the lost life. It's too painful to consider. And yet, in our conversation we talked about what this man may become? There's also reluctance on her end because she knows what she went through as a result of all the newfound attention...and she knows what I've been through as a result of all the attention (you get downright bi-jiggety)--and she's reluctant to date him, even though right now he doesn't do it for her. After he starts to get cute again, would she actually turn his crank? I laughed tonight because I knew exactly what she meant. Only after I said, "So what are you sayin'? That I went off the deep end? ? ?" Then we both just laughed again. There is an element of that for awhile. It's all so...overwhelmingly, wonderfully...intoxicating. For awhile anyway, until the pendulum begins to swing back toward the middle. From one extreme to the other and then back again to a more balanced place. It's like, you go through a stage where you are redifining who you are and incorporating who you were before things got so blasted out of control--back when you still felt some confidence...and it is difficult in the beginning to not be overwhelmed and baffled by it all. Anyway, so an interesting dynamic my friend finds herself in. Does she go ahead and "catch" this good man, before he gets so cute that he might not think she's "all that?" Or does she leave it alone and see where the chips fall? Well, my wise friend is choosing to leave it alone. She's very street smart. LOL I have to admire her wisdom. Tonight she said, "You know how it is! It goes to your head...and everything else!!" I busted out laughing. She's SO funny--and so right! After having just jumped off that rollercoaster ride (for now at least), I can't blame her for not wanting to stick her neck out on that track and wait to get run over! Good girl!
Lord, thank you for balance. Please continue to balance my life and the life of my friend...and the life of her new friend. Thank you for humor, and the voice of reason.
posted by butterflyisfree at 11:15 PM
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